How to Find Love Second Time Around by Rebecca Perkins

Rebecca Perkins, co-founder of Irresistible Dating, shares her experience and advice on dating happily and successfully in midlife

When we exchanged our wedding vows, it’s unlikely we imagined ourselves back out there dating again. However, life changes and we find ourselves single once more.

That was me following the ending of a marriage. I was 45, divorced and a single parent. Admittedly some of us might well be getting serious about finding love for the first time but for the vast majority it’s about finding love second time around.

Here are my top tips for dating happily and successfully in midlife:

Attitude is everything – having the right mindset is the no 1 top tip and I’d go so far as to say don’t even think of signing up to dating sites until you’ve grieved the ending of your last relationship, you’ve spent time reacquainting yourself with you, and have really begun enjoying your own company. 

Leave your baggage at the door – Deal with the baggage you’ve been carrying around with you and believe me we all have it – you don’t want to be carrying that into a new relationship. Work through your personal issues with a counsellor or a coach before you begin dating. You want to leave the past in the past.

There’s no rush – friends and family want to see you happy and will no doubt be suggesting you get back out there. It’s so important to take this at your own pace, only you know when you’re ready. It’s vital to be ready emotionally, to have grieved and let go of your past relationship before you move on.

Look after yourself – take this time to get back on track. Make eating well and exercise a priority. We always feel better about ourselves when we’re making the right decisions. Knowing how to look after ourselves well , treating ourselves with self-respect are attractive traits. 

Have a positive outlook – things might very well have been tough during your divorce. It’s never easy, I know that. But, no one likes a victim so don’t do that. Same with bad-mouthing your ex. Be someone you’d go on a date with. Be someone whose outlook on life is positive.

Update your life – get yourself a new haircut, have a style makeover, find a new sport or fitness plan you enjoy, how about a new hobby?

Have an irresistible dating profile – we have moments to make an impression. So make sure you have an outstanding dating profile

Enjoy the process – we can go from excited to despondent very quickly online dating. Patience is required! You’re unlikely to meet your ideal match immediately. Have fun!

About the Author:

Following a divorce, Rebecca found herself single and 45 years old. She hadn’t dated since she was 24 and found that much had changed. In need of male company, she decided to venture into online dating. 

Rebecca is co-founder of Irresistible Dating which she set up with award winning dating photographer Saskia Nelson. Their expertise lies in guiding clients into the right mindset for dating success as well as helping them create a dating profile that stands out.

She is also a success coach and founder of RebPerkins.com working with women to navigate the transition of midlife. She has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, BBC London and writes regular for the Huffington Post. 

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