Breakups suck. In a perfect world we would all firmly shake hands – you take the flat screen TV and they take the fancy silverware you both invested in at an antique centre two years ago – and give a hearty laugh remembering the good times before walking away. But life is never like the movies. Breakups are a massive slap in the face that leaves you crying hysterically in your living room, face covered in cake batter, listening to Elvis Presley’s Can’t Help Falling In Love on repeat while Dirty Dancing plays in the background.
While enveloped in sadness and the thought of never-ending longing is natural, holding on to old relationships isn’t healthy. There is no quick fix to mending a broken heart, but there are certainly steps you can take to lessen the pain and speed up your recovery. Here are our top 5 tips to getting over your ex:
- Let it all out
Cry. Wallow. Scream until your voice gets hoarse. Admitting your pain is hard, but it’s necessary to move on. You’ve lost a part of your life, you don’t have that shoulder to lean on anymore and it hurts. You must let yourself to be sad, and understand how you feel because when hiding your emotions the only person you’re trying to convince is yourself. If you hold an object, at first it’s fine, but the longer you hold it the heavier it gets. Bottling up and holding onto your sadness will only do damage, so just let it all out!
- No contact. At all costs.
This is the hardest part of a breakup. Your immediate response is see how your ex is feeling, to check up on them and know whether they are as emotional as you. After all, no one else is going through the exact same situation but him or her. However, this will only cause more damage than good. Delete their number so you can’t drunkenly text/call them on a blurry night out and stop refreshing their Instagram, Twitter and Facebook to see their latest activity. No matter how good it feels if they message you DO NOT REPLY. You need to have time apart to heal, and by contacting your ex you do not admit the pain you’re in and acknowledge the reasons you broke up. No contact. Period.
- Remove all traces
Reminiscing? More like remin-missing! Having small reminders lying around like that painting of a heartbeat they made you for Valentine’s Day, or those shells you collected on the beach together in Summer will remind you of the good ol’ days you had. When getting over a relationship, while good memories are significant, it is important to remember why you ended the relationship. You need to go cold turkey. Delete all those Instagram and Facebook photos you posted of them, box up the gifts they gave you over the years, and if you’re brave, throw them out! To let go, you need to let go of everything.
Talk to your dog, tell the postman, vent to your best friends’ cousin! Tell everyone who will listen! Working through your emotions with someone is one of the most helpful tools you have. They will see things you don’t and give you support. But it is important to only give yourself a week to do this. No one will want to hear about it for a long time, and we guarantee that you will also get sick of telling people. You may even want to write four lists to get over them:
- Things you could never agree on
- Things you didn’t like about them
- Reasons why it didn’t work out between you two/why it wasn’t meant to be
- Things you want from a future partner that you didn’t get from your ex
- Distract yourself
Keep them off your mind by distracting yourself. Listen to sad music to know that other people have felt the same way, do the things that your ex wouldn’t do with you, go outside and hike, buy some new clothes, start exercising more often, or even pick up a new hobby and create something! As we all know from pop music, some of the most popular songs come from heartbreak. As far as we are concerned at HelloYou, you could be the next Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift!
After a month or two you’ll be completely over your ex, or at least in a much better headspace then you were before. Like most things, time will heal, so you need to stay strong and not give in to old routines. Loving and sharing your life with someone is a big commitment and you will most likely never look at that person the same way. Especially if it is your first love, you will always have a soft spot for them; but remember that what was good, was not great, and now you have a lifetime to find your perfect match!