After a break up, its easy to belittle ourselves as “foolish” – “wasting time” with someone who now, at the end of it all, you’d happily delete from the world. When a relationship ends, its easy to make the assumption that your future ones are doomed to fail. The cycle of disrespect we give ourselves post break up only leads to a cycle of disfunction where our romantic partnerships are concerned. We need to step away from the past and view it objectively, taking it as a lesson learned before moving on with an open heart and an open mind; its easier said than done, but paramount to our future happiness.
We replay moments with that person, and unpick them; over-analysing pretty insignificant instances, looking for the clues that apparently, we assume, were always there. Why do we insist on torturing ourselves this way? Its healthy to think things over and try to take away something from it – that’s how we grow as individuals, but the past has a funny way of keeping us there, and what’s the good in that? We learn from our relationships, and this is why, no matter how traumatised we might feel coming out of them, they matter. No relationship that didn’t work out is a waste of time, because it sets you up for the next one.
Reflect on what went wrong once the dust has settled; its impossible to think objectively when you’re emotions are so raw, and you’ll only wind up either ringing them in a rage, or drowning in a pool of your own sorry tears. Time really is the best healer, and whilst you might always have a tinge of feeling whenever you hear about them, the impact this has on your present life reduces significantly. The spectral figures of your past are queued up beside the material ones of your future, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to haunt you in the same way forever.
In fact, they become pillars of your growth; they lose any definition, becoming featureless concepts that merely represent a part of you as you once were. This can only be a good thing, and we shouldn’t feel like such failures based on the number of break ups we might have encountered; worse yet, if we let these become obstacles in our present or future relationships. As the last few months of the year dawn on us, we often delve into our own histories and begin to grieve for lost loves all over again – remind yourself that no, your high school boyfriend was not “the one,” nor was that beauty from work “the one that got away.” Take the past and learn from it; live without regret to make your future bright.